


Dire Straights

by XP1



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Werewolf, dire bear, dire wolf, injured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-09
Updated: 2012-05-09
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XP1/pseuds/XP1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m half naked, bleeding, in a dark cold shower with my partner of seven years. That’s about as extreme as I can handle right now.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dire Straights

“Jesus! Scully get down!”

“Mulder just close the damn door!”

“I’m trying! Uhf! There. Jesus.”

“God.”

“Hah.”

“Urgh.” 

“Where’s the light switch…great, power’s out. Exactly what we needed.”

“Mulder?”

“Yeah?”

“…How badly are you hurt?”

“Um, pretty beat up but okay I guess.…Why?...Scully?... How badly are you hurt?”

“Um… Pretty...pretty badly.”

“What? Where are you?” 

“Sssst! Ah! Watch the hands Mulder.”

“Sorry. Oh god. Scully!”

“I don’t…I don’t think they’re as deep as they look.”

“Oh shitohshit you’re covered in blood!”

“Mulder? Mulder! You have your swiss army knife?”

“I think…yeah. Yeah.”

“Cut my clothes off. I can’t.” 

“That…that bad?”

“That’s how we find out.”

“I…okay. Okay. Hold on, let me get my…there. Can you hold the flashlight?”

“Maybe. Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Cmon Mulder put some muscle into it.” 

“Good to see being eviscerated hasn’t affected your good humour.” 

“Hah ha ahhhhhhgh. Shit. Arh, don’t make me laugh.”

“I never make you laugh. Just a little awkward for me is all. I finally get to see you naked and I have to use a knife to do it.”

“You’ve seen me naked.” 

“Trauma and quarantine don’t count.”

“Then I guess this doesn’t count then.”

“Heh, no I guess not. You’re okay… right Scully?”

“I…I’m sure it looks worse than it is.”

“It looks pretty bad.”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“Well that’s your coat done.” 

“Get the bra too.” 

“I uh…”

“Gotta come off. It’s hurting me.” 

“Hey, don’t have to tell me twice.”

“Ah. God.” 

“Sorry. Oh. Scully. Jesus. Can you…move your arm a sec.”

“I don’t…agh.”

“Oh God.” 

“Can you see how deep they are?”

“They aren’t…they aren’t like…open? Like you remember that guy in town-”

“Yeah.” 

“Well, not like that.”

“Good. Good. Okay. Just scratches then.”

“’Scratches!’ she says!”

“Well not…I mean it probably only cut the epidermis. You don’t see any fat do you?”

“On you? Never.”

“Mulder-”

“No I don’t see anything like that. Just a…a whole lotta red.”

“Yeah. I’m kinda lightheaded.”

“I mean you’ll probably need stitches-”

“They can wait a bit.” 

“Gonna have to.”

“That thing still outside?”

“I don’t hear anything. Still. Can we move you?”

“I think so. If my colon comes spilling out just stuff ‘er back in there.”

“Hah HA don’t even joke about that Scully. I’m outta my league here as it is.”

“Usually more efficient when you’re the one injured and I’m playing Doctor.”

“I’ll take your turn if you do the dishes.”

“Heh. Ahh. Ow.”

“Sorry. Sorry. Hold on I’ll see what I can find in here.”

“Take the light.”

“Oh, right yeah.”

“Uhhhnf.”

“There’s a shower! I think it works! Ah fuck its cold though. Hold on wait a sec. Okay now it’s tepid.”

“Tepid works.”

“I think I saw some towels.”

“Find anything first aid-ish?”

“There’s a medicine cabinet. Asprin. Pepto. Some kinda pill bottle.”

“Lemme see.”

“Nah forget it, Viagra. Also, expired.”

“Party on.” 

“No, that’s about it. Band-aids. You want a band aid?”

“Unless there are several thousand of them Mulder…”

“Maybe we could rope them together, make a super band-aid.”

“Maybe. Oh. Help me up?”

“Easy.”

“Oh…god…”

“Hey. Scully? Scully. Hey. We could…we could be on to something here Scully.”

“Ohhh…y…yeah?”

“Yeah. Rope many thousands of band-aids together, make a super band-aid, put big Band-Aid out of business.”

“Stop saying Band-aid.”

“Retire from the FBI. Maybe get a beach house.”

“Definitely get a beach house.”

“With a pool.” 

“Ah! Dammit ow!”

“Scully?”

“…In…indoor pool.”

“Yeah, yeah an indoor pool. Easy now.”

“Uh! This is tepid?”

“It’s as tepid as it’s gonna get. Hold on let me go first.”

“With your clothes on?”

“I’m all bloody! This is your fault you know.”

“Mulder, at least take your shirt off.”

“Oh, and here’s that awkward part again.”

“Relax, I’ve seen you naked.”

“Trauma and quarantine don’t-” 

“Yeah yeah. Get naked G-Man.”

“Yes M’am!”

“I’m just gonna…slump over…here.”

“Do you wanna take your pants off Scully? Maybe complete the look? All the rage this year…” 

“No. Maybe. After. I think we’ll need to cut them. I can’t…really…uhf…” 

“Okay. Here, hold onto me. Oh shit Scully.”

“Mmm?”

“Your back.”

“Yeah.”

“Aw, it cut your tattoo.”

“Eh. It’ll heal. Leave a nasty scar though… dammit.”

“Hey. Guys dig scars.”

“Not interested in what guys think.” 

“Crazy FBI agents dig scars.”

“Oh good, then Skinner won’t mind.”

“Ha!”

“Hmm.” 

“Mmm.”

“There any soap around here? We should wash my cuts.”

“Yeah but- isn’t that gonna hurt?”

“Already hurts. Gotta keep em clean. We dunno where that werewolf’s been.”

“Scully, please, I’ve explained this to you. It’s not a werewolf, it’s a sapient, ambulatory dire bear.”

“It’s a fucking werewolf Mulder.”

“Scully you gotta keep yourself open to extreme possibilities.”

“I’m half naked, bleeding, in a dark cold shower with my partner of seven years. That’s about as extreme as I can handle right now.”

“Could be worse.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“You could be totally naked.” 

“…that wouldn’t be ‘worse’, per se…”

“Ooo and suddenly I wish you weren’t bleeding.”

“Suddenly?-ssst!Ah!”

“Sorry.” 

“Oh Mulder, you said you’d be gentle.”

“Ha! Sorry Scully. Just have a beautiful woman in my arms for the first time in five years.”

“Hah yeah I gues-…wait, five years?”

“Uhhhh…”

“We’ve been partners for-”

“Uhhhhhhhh…”

“Oh there’s a story behind this I’m sure.”

“Gah! Scully did you just…spank me?”

“’lil bit.”

“Ack! Scully! I am not some plaything for you to grope! We call that sexual harassment where I’m from!”

“Don’t you know men can’t be harassed Mulder? It’s science.” 

“Oh, well, carry on then.”

“Hmmph! Heh.”

“I think you’re about as clean as you’re gonna get. You’re still bleeding though. But like. Slower?”

“Yeah. That’s good, believe it or not.”

“Believe it or not I’mmm walkin’ on aiiirrr-”

“You have a nice voice.”

“One of us has to- gah!”

“Ooph. I think that hurt me more than it hurt you.” 

“Yeah you’re bleeding a little more. No more love smacks- Gah! Hey!”

“Mmmph, worth it.”

“Mmm, t’was.”

“Come Mulder. Take me to bed.” 

“You’re fun when you’re injured.”

“I sure am. Maybe I should do it more often.”

“Nah it’s more fun when you’re stitching me up.”

“Oh yeah. Laugh a minute when you’re sick. Help me out with this towel.”

“Hold on I’m enjoying the view.”

“Hah. Red was never really my colour.”

“Nah you’re more of a winter. You’re still bleeding.”

“Yes well I was…clawed…at.”

“I don’t like it.” 

“Well let’s fix that then. Help me to the bed then get the towels. And the asprin.”

“Not tonight dear, I have a headache?”

“Not tonight dear, I have a stab wound.” 

“Oh you’re so dramatic all the time Scully.” 

“Bite me, Mulder.”

“Oooo-Scully, I-”

“And see if you can find some candles.”

“Always thinking, this one.”

“Someone’s gotta.”

“Meanie. Emergency candles under the sink here.”

“Good. Now I can see you blush.”

“I do not blush, Scully.” 

“Fine, now I can see you flushed.”

“I do not ‘flush’ either.”

“Flummoxed, then.”

“…I will give you ‘flustered’.”

“Fine, flustered, whatever.”

“Here lay down on this. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Little woozy, but hell, could be worse. All my insides are still, well, inside.”

“You’re cold.”

“I am. I am cold.”

“Hold on. I wish I had some tape I could wrap around you to keep these towels on. Put some pressure.”

“Not too much pressure. I think its okay. See it’s hardly even bleeding through the cloth.”

“Oh, hardly.”

“There a blanket?”

“A thin blanket yeah. Here keep this close to you, I’ll get the rest of your clothes off.”

“Ah. Yes. Riiiight…”

“Let me get the knife.”

“Bring your coat!”

“Yes M’lady.”

“And light the candles.”

“Awwwww yeeeaaaahhh.”

“Mulder! I told you not to make me laugh.”

“But I’m hilarious. It can’t be avoided. Hold still.”

“Careful! I have enough cuts on me as it is!”

“Well if you’d stop your little legs from fidgeting…”

“That’s not fidgeting, that’s shivering.” 

“There. Well now I can get you a new suit for your birthday.”

“I’d settle for seeing you in your birthday suit.” 

“Miss Scully! You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“No, but I very occasionally kiss my partner with that mouth.”

“Only occasionally?”

“Well, that could change.”

“I think a lot of things could change.” 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah… Warmer now?”

“A little. You know me. Always cold.” 

“My little Eskimo.”

“Inuit Mulder. Eskimo is a racist term.” 

“My little know it all.”

“You’re fun when I’m hurt.”

“Yeah…I…yeah…”

“Mulder?”

“You scared me Scully.” 

“I…yeah.”

“I mean all I saw was this huge blur and then you were pulling me away…”

“Did you shoot it? I think you shot it…”

“Scully?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re gonna be okay right.” 

“Yeah. Yeah I’ll be alright. But we need to get outta here soon.”

“I think we should wait till morning.”

“I think so too. I don’t think I could go anywhere right now anyway.”

“Sleep G-woman. I’ll keep watch.” 

“Make sure that werewolf doesn’t come back to finish the job. He meant business.”

“Ah, Scully. How many times I gotta tell ya. It wasn’t a werewolf.”

“Werebear.”

“Dire bear.”

“Mulder?”

“Mmm?”

“Goodnight.”

"Night night Scully,"

"...don't let the werewolves bite..."

**Author's Note:**

> A little writing exercise. How'd I do? feedback is cherished at xp1feedback@gmail.com :D


End file.
